And When I Die
by Mystgirl
Summary: Draco misses Harry, but is Harry really dead? Prequel to And When We Die


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~*And When I Die*~

Harry died at the hands of Voldemort.

Life is not fair, but then, what is life if not unfair?

I will never forget the day Dumbledore told me the news. I was happily thinking of the next time I would be holding Harry, kissing him, loving him. And then Dumbledore sent for me in the middle of Potions. I knew Harry was away, on account of having an errand. Well, that was what he told me at least. Dumbledore had needed him for some reason to go to Hogsmeade, probably to get some info on Voldemort. I was worried at first but he told me not to. Harry said everything was okay, and since I trust him, I listened.

And then Professor Snape came over to me while we were making our Tabelion Potions and said that the Headmaster wanted to see me immediately. I didn't think much of it, as I also was helping with Voldemort. After all, it would be so cliche if I actually became a Death Eater, like everyone thought.

And so ten minutes later I was ascending the spiral staircase to Dumbledore's office, and soon enough I was sitting before him.

And I could tell by his face that this was not good news.

"Draco,-" he began, leaning forward and steepling his hands in front of him.

"It's Harry, I know it. He's strong, he is okay, right?" I interrupted. If something had happened to Harry, something bad, I would have felt it. I love him enough to feel his pain.

"I'm sorry, Draco," Dumbledore continued patiently, " But Harry is a true hero, he has helped us exceedingly in the fight against Lord Voldemort. Strong and courageous as he was-"

Was. _Was?_ I think to myself.

"He could not live and defeat the Dark Lord. In the end they were linked so that if Lord Voldemort died, he would too."

"Always the noble Gryffindor," I whispered, realization punching me in the stomach and knocking the wind out of me.

"I am sorry, Draco. I cannot express in words my grief, and I know how much you loved him." Dumbledore continued. "He will be missed."

And Draco saw that the sparkle that was normally in his eyes was replaced by a fine sheen of tears. 

I got up without saying anything and walked out. Dumbledore let me, he understood.

I walked for hours, throughout the school, outside on the grounds, unaware of anything but the ache I felt, the way it seemed that a small part of me was missing.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I told him once that if he ever died, I would too, because I loved him to much to live without him.

He had smiled and held me closer, traced my face with his hand, and kissed me lightly. He loved me too.

And I lied. Surely if I loved him that much I would have died when Dumbledore told me. 

I didn't mean to lie but now Harry was gone and I was still here, wishing more and more that I could have seen him once more, said "I love you" one more time.

But I can't, because I told him I would live with him or die without him and it wasn't true.

Because I am still alive. And he isn't.

And it's been a year. One year that I have been torn inside, knowing that every day that goes by I am closer to my own death, closer to being with him. I still love him. I still want him. I miss his smile, his face, his eyes, hie smell. Every day brings with it the dull ache, slightly worse than the day before. 

I hate myself for telling Harry something that apparently wasn't true. I'll never forget him.

And when I die, my body will be buried and eventually will no longer be there, but my soul will forever be with Harry's, free to love him for eternity.

And when I die, I will not be afraid, because I will know in my final hour, in my final minute, that he will be there on the other side of the tunnel. I won't be scared.

And when I die, he will be there, waiting for me. He will smile and take my hand and say "I've waited for you, Draco."

And I will return his smile and say "I knew you would."

And when I die.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I miss him, a lot.

I know what everyone thinks, they all think I am dead. Dumbledore told them that. 

But it is a lie.

They told me that I was in too much danger, and that the only way to keep me alive until Voldemort was killed was to hide me, to protect me.

So they sent me away, and secluded me. Covered me with protection spells and charms.

No one knows I am alive except for Dumbledore. And we keep in touch.

And I still miss Draco. I love Draco. He thinks I am dead.

I watch him, though. It is one of the perks of being a wizard. I can watch him sometimes and I see. I see it when he closes his eyes, only briefly, to remember the days when we were much more carefree. He is thinking of of that day when he told me he would die if I did, I know it.

I asked Dumbledore once, why Draco had said he would die if I did, because it obviously wasn't true if he was still alive. Not that I wanted him to die.

I just thought it meant that he didn't truly love me. Maybe even Draco didn't know it.

"Ah, but Harry," Dumbledore had said, "You are not dead."

"I know that, but he thinks I am, and he told me that he loved me too much to live without me. He must not love me as much as he thought." I had replied, trying to force myself that I was wrong.

"But Harry, you are very much wrong." Dumbledore said. 

"I am?" I asked.

"Of course, it is one of the secrets of love. Draco said he would die if you did, but you are very much alive. And even though he does not consciously know that you are, his soul does. You and he are chained so that he will not die even if he fully believes you are dead, simply because a part of him knows you are alive."

"Chained?" I question, slightly confused.

"Soul mates, Harry." He replied.

"I didn't know I had a soul mate." I whispered.

"Everyone does, and it is merely a matter of finding he or she. You are bound to your soul mate forever, and even in death you and he will still be linked, Harry. That is why he would die without you. And you without him."

I smiled, feeling much better knowing how much Draco actually meant to me.

And soon Voldemort will be killed, I know, because Dumbledore has told me so.

Once Voldemort is out of the picture, Dumbledore will reveal to the world that I was not dead, just hidden, gone for a short amount of time.

Soon I will be able to hold Draco again, kiss him again, love him like he's only been loved by me.

Soon I will be back with my soul mate, and we will be together for a long, long time, until we die.

And when I die, I will not be afraid. Draco will be with me. He will always be with me

And when I die, my body may be gone but my soul will not be. It will be with Draco's.

And when I die, Draco will be there. We will hold each other as we breathe our final breaths.

And when I die, Draco will too. Because we love each other too much to live without each other.

And when I die.


End file.
